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Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others, or engage in deluded thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across.

So, how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one—so ignoring them isn’t really a practical solution. They’re frustrating, and maybe even intimidating, but ultimately, you need to find a way of communicating effectively with them.

Arm Yourself

Over 1200 positive reviews on Amazon

Now a self-help classic, Disarming the Narcissist is a practical, step-by-step communication guide to help you cope with and confront the narcissist in your life. Based on reader feedback, this fully revised and updated third edition features new information on shame, hypersexuality, and infidelity in narcissism; legal information to help you if you are divorcing a narcissist; and the impact of narcissism on children.

With this how-to guide, you’ll learn how to separate yourself from a narcissist’s traps, and gain the respect and validation you deserve—while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. Finally, you’ll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it’s time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.

specializing in narcissism and high-conflict couples therapy

Wendy Behary

Wendy Behary is the founder and Director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC and DC. She has been training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for more than twenty years.


The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC and DC offer consultation, training and supervision to clinicians, interested in learning and/or becoming certified in Schema Therapy. Directors of Training, Wendy Behary and Jeffrey Young offer frequent training seminars, workshops, and supervision groups.


The Cognitive Therapy Center offers consultation, education, and psychotherapy services to individuals, couples, families, groups, and businesses. Highly experienced therapists offer cognitive-behavioral and/or Schema Therapy for a number of difficult and challenging issues.

Understanding Narcissism

“They seem well-assembled and self-assured, sometimes with a saccharine wit,” says Behary, cautioning that they can also “quickly pull the rug out from under you, reducing you to boredom, tears, apprehension, or disgust without a flinch.”

For Therapists

Schema Therapy Online Community

This online community is a powerful way to stay in touch with other schema therapists around the globe, on a regular basis; to be part of the ever-growing ST community. It is a place to share your ideas and have all of your questions answered, by Wendy and Joan. Whether you are new to ST or an experienced schema therapist we will support your continued learning and help you to stay current on latest developments in ST…from the comfort of your home or office.

Schema Therapy Training Institute

10 videos, 3 1/2 hours of educational vidoes to improve your practice. This video series is grounded in an understanding, both conceptually and practically, of the essential value of the therapy relationship in schema therapy; not only as a means for creating a safe refuge for connection, empathy, trust, and openness, but also as a context in which schemas and schema modes can become triggered and expeditiously addressed.

Choose Your Format


The go-to guide for dealing with the narcissist in your life—now fully revised and updated based on reader feedback!

Digital Edition

Get Disarming the Narcissist on the e-book reader of your choice, including Amazon Kindle, Apple Books, and many more.


Listen to the 2nd Edition of Disarming the Narcissist, narrated by the talented Jo Anna Perrin on Amazon Audible or Apple Books.

Positive Reviews



Raves & Reviews

For Wendy Behary and Disarming the Narcissist
From Practitoners and Peers

Judith Beck

“If there is a narcissist in your life, I highly recommend this book! This valuable book offers great insight and concrete suggestions for changing your thinking and responses so you can interact with narcissists more effectively, whether you’re a family member, intimate, friend, coworker, or therapist.”

—Judith Beck, PhD, president of the nonprofit Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and author of Cognitive Behavior Therapy

John M. Gottman

“Disarming the Narcissist in its new edition continues to be a useful guide for anyone doing therapy with a narcissist, or even for those in a relationship with such a person. The book is an essential guide for this widespread problem.”

—John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Randi Kreger

“In this new edition, Wendy shows you why you feel so lonely and misunderstood in these relationships, and why you keep your own needs tucked away. The insights Wendy Behary provides make this an essential book for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist.”

—Randi Kreger, coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells, and author of Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents

Craig Malkin

“In its third edition, the deeply insightful Disarming the Narcissist is a classic with good reason: it offers survivors of narcissism helpful guidance and protection while never dehumanizing anyone. In that way, it continues to stand out in the now-crowded field of books addressing narcissism.”

—Craig Malkin, PhD, lecturer at Harvard Medical School, and author of Rethinking Narcissism

Karyl McBride

“Using the approach of understanding the psychological makeup of the disorder, Behary accomplishes what seems like an impossible task; strategies to help the reader understand and communicate better with a narcissist are here!”

—Karyl McBride, PhD, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, and Will I Ever Be Free of You?

Susan Stiffelman

“In this third edition, Wendy also addresses the challenges of co-parenting with a narcissist. She beautifully illustrates the power of empathic confrontation—a tool for enhancing a sturdy core self, and cultivating a reliable and effective advocate for our children amid the inevitable power struggles.”

—Susan Stiffelman, author of Parenting Without Power Struggles, and cohost—with Wendy Behary—of the Co-Parenting with a Narcissist online community

Jill Manning

“This latest edition provides up-to-date and practical guidance for not only understanding the problem of narcissism. This book will be a stabilizing and highly recommended resource for anyone who has ever stood in the confusing wake a narcissist leaves.”

—Jill Manning, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist, researcher, and author of What’s the Big Deal about Pornography?

Now Available

Disarming the Narcissist

Third Edition

by Wendy T. Behary

Preface by Daniel J. Siegel

Foreword by Jeffrey Young

Published by New Harbinger Publications

AUDIOBOOK (2nd Edition)

Raves & Reviews

Upcoming Events

8, 9, 11, 12 October, 2021

2021 International Training & Certification Program in Schema Therapy (ITCPST) • Springfield, NJ

Weekend workshops will include a combination of teaching methods, including lectures, handouts, video sessions of master schema therapists, live demonstrations, questionand-answer periods, group discussions, supervised practice in dyads, discussion of supervisees’ own schemas and childhood histories, and small group exercises.

1, 2, 4, 5 April, 2022

2022 International Training & Certification Program in Schema Therapy (ITCPST) • Springfield, NJ

Weekend workshops will include a combination of teaching methods, including lectures, handouts, video sessions of master schema therapists, live demonstrations, questionand-answer periods, group discussions, supervised practice in dyads, discussion of supervisees’ own schemas and childhood histories, and small group exercises.

Learn Together

Join Our Community

Loving, Leaving, Living With… The Narcissist In Your Life

With Wendy Behary, International Expert on Narcissism and Author of the Best Selling Book, Disarming the Narcissist. This supportive online community is designed for anyone who is currently involved with or still struggling with the leftover residue of being involved with a narcissist. Whether you are trying to effectively engage, trying to leave, or have already ended the relationship and are dealing with the difficult aftermath, or you’re simply not sure what to do… this is for you.

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Wendy's Newsletter

Never miss an online seminar or workshop. Gain up-to-date insight to how Schema Therapy and Cognative Therapy techniques can be applied to the modern world around us. Wendy shares her unique insights in podcasts, magazines, and blogs.