& Reviews

‘Disarming The Narcissist’


Raves for Wendy Behary and ‘Disarming The Narcissist’

Anyone whose life predicament includes dealing with a narcissist will be well-advised to read Wendy Behary’s book and heed her advice. Disarming the Narcissist offers sound suggestions and keen insights—a breakthrough in one of psychology’s toughest cases.

Daniel Goleman—Author, Emotional Intelligence

This is a timely and important book. Wendy Behary offers a uniquely well-articulated exploration of the complexities of living with a narcissist, along with a clear and elegant writing style. ‘Disarming The Narcissist,’ provides a treasure of insightful observations, and strategies to help those working or living with a narcissist. Behary’s wisdom and warm humanity, together with her wide understanding and successful integration of interpersonal neurobiology and Schema Therapy, provides a fresh perspective that will help the reader make sense of relationships that often seem so confusing, and give them tools to do something about it. I recommend this book heartily.

Marion F. Solomon, PhD—Author of “Narcissism and Intimacy” and “Lean on Me.”

…a valuable contribution to the growing self-help literature on the fascinating subject of narcissism. Wendy Behary takes the reader step-by-step through a process of understanding our personal triggers to the wounding inherent in narcissistic relations, and then lays out a pathway for personal empowerment and change.

Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW—Author of “Why Is It Always About You?”

For the practicing clinician there is perhaps no other group of clients more difficult to work with or that generates more fear and feelings of inadequacy than the Narcissist. In ‘Disarming the Narcissist,’ Wendy T. Behary has provided both the theoretical knowledge and practical advice necessary for clinicians to understand, empathize and, thus, help this challenging group of clients and their partners. Her ‘disarmingly’ straightforward, accessible style and impressive clinical experience make this a very valuable book indeed.

William M. Zangwill, Ph.D., Director, EMDR Associates

Having been trained by Wendy Behary, I can say that she has a rare combination of nuanced empathy with wonderful mastery of therapeutic practice in general, and Schema Therapy in specific. I look forward to her new book and to further supervision and training with her with great anticipation.

Dr. John F. Gasiewski, PhD, LCSW, Clinician, Mountainside Hospital Outpatient Behavior Health and psychotherapist in private practice, Montclair, NJ and New York City.

Nobody understands and can translate to the public the complexities of narcissism better than the author, nobody! She is a top clinician as well as a teacher.

Patrice Fiore, LCSW, Psychotherapist, New Jersey

Wendy Behary’s knowledge, understanding, insight, compassion and level of skill in working with narcissism are unparalleled. She is known, respected and sought after in her professional world as a gifted speaker, clinician, teacher and mentor. ‘Disarming The Narcissist’ is an exceptional, comprehensive work that allows her to bring her wisdom and expertise to the larger lay audience…couples and individuals struggling in these challenging relationships. Both the lay and professional reader will come away comforted and empowered—equipped with the coping skills and tools necessary for self care and transformation.

Mary Burke, LCSW, New Jersey

Wendy Behary is a gifted and dynamic therapist with a depth of experience with clients who are many therapists’ worst nightmare. She has created an accessible and profoundly useful guide to understanding and thriving in relationships with narcissists. ‘Disarming The Narcissist’ is an exciting culmination of Wendy’s pioneering work. Always the consummate teacher, Wendy generously shares her hard-won knowledge with us, leaving us empowered, compassionate and ‘armed’ with effective skills.

Robin Spiro, LCSW, New Jersey

Wendy Behary’s ground breaking work with people with narcissism combines wisdom, compassion, and skill to achieve results once thought unattainable. Her clinical acumen, and clarity of thought and writing enable readers to understand, live with, and treat this population with empathy and understanding.

Lissa Parsonnet, PhD., LCSW, Psychotherapist/Consultant

Wendy Behary brings an astonishingly vast depth of empathy and compassion to her work. By playing to a person’s strengths, along with the use of gentle but firm confrontation, she successfully encourages her clients to reach new heights of emotional maturity. She utilizes these same qualities and more as she trains other clinicians to acquire such skills. Wendy Behary is truly a masterful clinician and teacher.

Barbara Levy, LCSW, New Jersey

Wendy brilliantly captures the mind of a narcissist and skillfully addresses the underlying core issues that affect these individuals. For every narcissistic situation you encounter as a therapist, Wendy has assessed, treated, and lectured on this issue countless times over. Don’t miss her expertise in presenting the complexities of these cases in her new book!

Rosemary Erickson, LCSW, New Jersey

In a world of rapidly advancing psychotherapeutic techniques and understanding, Wendy Behary’s book adds a much-needed resource that represents great clinical depth and experience with this often misunderstood, under-served clientele. It’s a delight to see Wendy Behary’s well-known wisdom and compassion now available to all of us that have struggled with this often misunderstood, under-treated clientele.

Bob Jaskiewicz, Director and Psychotherapist—Montclair Health Associates, New Jersey

Wendy Behary is a first-rate clinician who applies complex and sophisticated thought to a very difficult clinical problem.

Lynn Mollick, PhD, NJ Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists

Within each and every pathologically narcissistic individual sits a vulnerable hidden self who is desperate to be genuinely known and loved. In the face of Wendy Behary’s fearless yet compassionate clinical expertise, clients who are seemingly egomaniacal reveal their inner selves enabling Wendy to guide them toward psychological and interpersonal growth and wellness. She is a master clinician and teacher who has deeply and positively influenced the way I approach my most challenging clients.

Ava Schlesinger, LCSW, Owner/Director Terra Sky Center for Wellness, Summit, NJ

Feeling empathy begins with understanding. Wendy Behary is a first-rate teacher who helps us understand Narcissism and provides new tools to heal clients, which is nearly impossible without the experience of empathy.

Alp Karaosmanoglu, MD, PsikoNET Psychotherapy and Training Center, Istanbul

Wendy is a unique blend—an empathetic and caring individual and a talented and skilled clinician. She has for many years been an inspiration to her patients and her colleagues.

Irv Finklestein, LCSW, Director ADHD 911, New Jersey

From amazon.com

A jewel of a book
By M. Miele “M. Miele”

This jewel of a book presents us with compassionate insight into a narcissist’s behavior and the plight of those close to him or her. In a clear, step-by-step approach the author lays out a path for developing the self-awareness and strength needed to deal with the narcissist in a constructive manner. I would recommend this book to all, including professionals, who are struggling with such relationships.

Dealing Effectively With Narcissists,
By Carolee Kallmann, Lpc, Carolee Kallmann, MA.

“This beautifully written guide will help the reader to understand what drives the narcissist, how to identify the various types of narcissists, and, most importantly, how to deal with these difficult people.

Although this is an instructional manual, it is very readable. The author has a way with words, as well as significant experience as a therapist in treating narcissists. It is a “must read” for anyone with a narcissist in his/her life!

Simple & useful information
By J.J. (USA)

This book could be disappointing if you are looking for an in depth explanation and analysis of narcissism. However, if you are looking for ways to help and protect yourself in relation to a narcissist, this book has a lot to offer.

The author gives a compassionate look at what makes a narcissist, in plain and simple terms without a lot of jargon or technical terms. She also helps the reader understand and identify how and why the narcissist manages to push his/her buttons, and gives simple exercises and suggestions for helping free him/herself from it.

I highly recommend this book for the lay-person who may find him/herself caught in a destructive relationship with the chronically self-absorbed narcissist.

Battlefield Instructional Guide
By Hope Frbetr (California)

I found this book to be enlightened, instructive and readable. After having read several other “self help” books on narcissism, this book uniquely provides a framework for both understanding the disorder and learning how to deal with it. The prose was masterful, and the methodology which was articulated intriguing. I have hope that this book will improve my ability to understand my own reactions to my narcissistic partner, and aid me in being more effective in dealing with her.

Very worthwhile message for those willing to work hard.
By SmartCookie (Sonoma, CA)

One of the few books on the market that actually provides practical insight and techniques for handling encounters with an individual who is narcissistic. Most books focus almost entirely on how awful the narcissist can behave to the point of demonizing what is essentially a archaic defense mechanism learned in childhood. The author spends considerable time on what you, as the non-narcissist, get out of the relationship, how you pick up the other end of the rope, and the importance of understanding your own hot buttons (which narcissist’s are almost supernaturally good at triggering) rather than continuing the status quo by responding with your own defensive patterns that go nowhere but bad. This book is asking a lot of it’s readers; that they understand the concept of schemas and that they grow up emotionally and approach their life, and the narcissist’s they may love or encounter, from a place of strength, knowledge, maturity, and wisdom. If you want another book that outlines how horrible narcissists are and how you are their unwilling victim, you will not appreciate this book. If you are willing or interested to learn about yourself and looking at your own part of the dance, such that through your own growth and modeling the relationship, even with a narcissist, has a chance to improve, then this book is for you. Bravo.

Highly effective and beautifully written
By Dr. George Lockwood

I have over 25 years of full time practice as a therapist and have had extensive training in psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy and schema therapy (the approach upon which this book is based). This book does justice to the full depth and complexity of Narcissism. It does not offer simplistic advice or a quick solution that, like chewing gum, seems great at the start but quickly fades. With warmth, a delightful sense of humor and compassion, this author takes you by the hand and introduces you to the key strategies we have found effective in dealing with, and overcoming, narcissism. This book is clear, practical, and enjoyable to read. It will take time, effort and repeated study to fully grasp all that is offered but I can assure that your effort will be well rewarded since this author has obviously “done her homework” and truly knows. Upon first read, some of the strategies may seem difficult to execute. This is because they are built upon a blending and layering of skills and knowledge involving the heart and the mind. This is what it takes to be effective with narcissism. There is not a quick and easy way. I can assure you that if you are not just going through the motions, they work. Similar to learning to play a musical instrument or a new sport like golf or tennis, what can seem daunting at the start will eventually be in your grasp if you break it into the steps you need and gradually put it all together. Some of us will be a quick study and some of us will benefit from additional “coaching”. The author provides useful links for the latter.

I, as a seasoned therapist, have learned a great deal from this book and find it making a significant difference in my work. I will be returning to it repeatedly myself.

A masterful Guide,
By Kathleen O. Kobberger

“Disarming the Narcissist” is a real “GPS” (Global Positioning System) for anyone attempting to navigate on the road of life with the challenging narcissist. This well crafted primer integrates complex theories with human, compassionate and practical applications. The author’s way with words is truly masterful.

Insightful & Practical, Easy to understand. A Must Read Book!
By Alexandra Spyridaki

Wendy Behary has deep scientific knowledge of her topic and immense clinical experience. They both come in very handy as she writes this insightful book that is also full of practical advice as to how to cope and survive the self-absorbed (and there are so many of them out there, some in disguise!). Even though she uses a lot of hard scientific information, her book is easy to understand by any reader without specific knowledge on the subject. It is a must read kind of book for all those dealing with a narcissist in their lives, but also for anyone intrigued by the complexity of human nature.

Feedback from clinicians who attend Wendy Behary workshops. When asked what they liked about Wendy Behary:

“She was captivating. Great Presentation.”
“This presenter is dynamic, very knowledgeable, good in theory and in practice examples.”
“Everything…she was great!”
“She knows her material and is confident in what she does”
“I signed up for this class because I wanted more ideas on working with narcissists, not because I particularly thought I would enjoy it. The presenter was energetic, passionate, and all in all surprisingly terrific. She brought the material to life in unexpected ways.”
“Wendy was an awesome presenter and helped me better understand my narcissistic clients.”
”This is one of the best workshops I’ve ever attended in my life.”