I think that to some degree we are all “manipulative” as human beings. This isn’t always a bad word or action… we manipulate the world to make it work for us right from birth, to get our needs met. Right? But that doesn’t mean we are bad, it doesn’t mean we are devious… I don’t think narcissists sit around thinking about ways to hurt people, but they will justify the right to hurt someone if they have been hurt. So sometimes, yes, they do things in the spirit of protecting themselves, even if it hurts another very badly, saying: “Yes, I did do that, I yelled at her, I called her names to make her know what it feels like when she ignores me.” They feel it’s righteous, fair. They deny and then they defend their position. I don’t see this as a manipulation as much as I see the matter of self-righteous entitlement and self-protection for an insecure self at the core.
Read the full interview at https://psychotherapyjournal.org/interview-wendy-behary-2/